its a little bit funny…this feeling inside…

ugh. in true Sherry Sherry fashion, I am writing this post still drunk. its 920am, January 1st 2009, and I am

….just as I was typing that sentence, a strange feeling, came over me . I started to feel all funny like, an alien seemed to have awoken inside my intestines and and I was forced to the bathroom. i proceeded to have an episode worthy of the record books. Although I’ve never personally witnessed first hand Dear James’ relationship with the porcelain god, this one has to be on par with one of his dates. I won’t go into detail, but lets just say…I felt like there was a beast clawing at my insides.

but lets back up. to te beginning of my sordid new years night.

I hadn’t been out in a while, so I was determined to make the most of my miserable on-crutches-in-my-boring-hometown situation. My compadre Amanda and I sauced ourselves up nicely before we even went inside, her with vodka, and myself with…jamesons, naturally. We spent another ten minutes trying to figure out which house it was. I had been there many times before but in my altered state the houses all looked surprisingly similar. Finally I had to call the host and politely beg him to enlighten us. Once inside i discovered that I was one of the precious few females at the party. I am not sure if it was this factor or my newly acquired sense of new york sophisticate, or my crutches, but erryone seemed to be on my case. No one gave a shatting piglets hindquarters who I was in high school, but I guess those silly boys FINALLY came to their senses, just like my mother always told me they would. One of the most popular guys in high school, whom I had barely ever talked to tried to stick his intoxicates tongue down my throat, unsolicited. I tried to carry on, but I was so shocked and appalled that I ran away; Well, I hobbled away. The music (was all due respect to my the party host and my former DJ partner) was not to my liking. I practically had to commander the iPod to play something other than that new fangled hippity hop, and even then I had to settle for MGMT, the bro’s favorite indie band. I also smoked a wheelbarrow of cigarettes. Then I actually decided to put a bit more of my dignity on the shelf and engage in a drinking game, flip the cup or some such nonsense. The rest of the night was hazy at best, although I do remember having a conversation involving Danny Boyle and Darren Aronofsky. Thats about all I remember. Then I lost my purse and I was so disturbed, perturbed, upset, shocked, and appalled that no one would help a handicapped person (me) find a very important item, that I threw myself upon the couch and passed out.

Which brings us back to when I started the post in the first place.

Still, I’d say it was a good night all things considering.

Oh and who did I kiss on midnight you ask? Well, I would tell you, but I don’t want to incriminate myself. I wished it was Dear James but my apparition skills arent really up to snuff these days. although I did very much enjoy the drunken call at 10pm my time (1am east coast time).

Cripplingly Yours,

Dame Samantha

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